


It's Complicated!

by HappyLove



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Facebook, Flirting, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-11-30 21:45:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11472303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyLove/pseuds/HappyLove
Summary: This is a story about Serena and Bernie. It follows the episode "emotionally yours", where Serena tells Ric about Bernie.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, remember english is not my first language. i really hope you understand me nonetheless :)  
> I don't know where, but I saw the prompt "It's complicated" somewhere. I actually worked at this before and I thought I would share it with you guys.  
> I wrote a few chapters but let me know if you like it and if you want to have more.

**CHAPTER 1**

 

“It’s complicated!”, Serena said.

“When isn’t it?” Ric asked.

“It’s a work colleague. Someone you know”, She explained.

“Someone on AAU”, she carried on.

“Well it…it isn’t a man. It’s Bernie!”, she finally admitted, “and noth-nnothining really happened..yet…” _except this bloody fantastic kiss, this kiss on the floor of a theatre_ , she thinks.

“An-and we decided…”, _I didn’t decide anything!_

“…well I don’t know,” _I really don’t know_ ,

“anyway there we are, now you know” _I can’t believe I just told him about her. Why have I said something, what have I told him, I don’t even know what’s there to say._

Serena stayed at Albies for a few more drinks with Ric, talking about life, love and amour. While the quality of the conversation decreased rapidly with increasing amount of the drunken alcohol, this alcohol did not show any effect on Serena’s mind. She caught herself thinking about Bernie only and all the time. She thought about those funny blonde, curly hairs, about those gorgeous brown eyes. She imagined the thin line of lips, those beautifully soft lips that touched hers when they kissed a few weeks ago. Each time she noticed how her thoughts drift apart, she shakes slightly and tells herself: _Pull yourself together, Campbell!_

 

..

 

A few hours and a lot of – too much of Shiraz later, Ric called her a cab and brings her out and put the highly drunk consultant safely in the back of the booked car and wished her goodnight. Serena suddenly feöt cold, shivers slightly. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, slided a bit down in her seat and waited to be home, to be able to fall in her comfy bed. She felt tired, exhausted, drained and sad. She heard Bernie’s voice _“…keeping it confined to theatre…”_ and murmurs without noticing that she actually speaks out loud “that’s exactly where all of this started.” Because it is true, it all started with the performance of a certain army medic in theatre, a performance that is nearly artistic _and somehow very aesthetic_ , Serena thought. It developed all from secret eye contact and hidden smirks over the table and it lead to that fantastic kiss on the floor of said theatre. _That’s where she kissed me, that’s where I kissed her back. That’s where we kissed without caring about anything other than us._ Serena remembers that kiss like it was a minute ago. She was still able to recall every single moment, how Bernie looked at her lips, before she placed hers on them. She feels Bernie’s touch at her neck, can still taste her on her lips, thinks she can still smell her. She sighed, was too preoccupied to see the worried look of the cabbie through the mirror. She thought about how it felt when Bernie kissed her, how smooth her lips were, how gentle her touch. It felt so good – so right to feel a warm body pressed against her own.  Her skin tingled warmly, especially at all the places Bernie touched her. She yearned for feeling that again. _That bloody pager_ , that informed her of a problem that needed her attention and consequently destroying the situation. 

 

....

 

She thought back to that day of their kiss. How she left to deal with a situation on AAU and just when she felt brave enough to look for Bernie again, Jason appeared to inform her she was already too late to go home. So she went home with him and without seeing Bernie again. After dinner and a long bath, she lay in her king-size bed and waited for sleep to find her. But unfortunately it didn’t find her. She couldn’t stop thinking about Bernie. After an hour without much needed sleep she caved in and texted Bernie.

_“Hello you, hope I don’t wake you. Sorry I didn’t say bye today, Jason wasn’t very happy. Are you ok? S x”_

She sent it without thinking about it. She sighed, put the phone back and turned off the light. As soon as she settled down comfortable, she heard her phone.

_“Hello yourself, I’m ok, don’t worry, how are you? B x”_

A small smile finds its way on her lips as she read Bernie’s answer. _She cares about me, how sweet!_ She answers straight away, without overthinking what to write.

_“Can’t sleep, but otherwise I’m ok, too. Was quite a day, wasn’t it? Why are you still awake? S x”_

_“Yes, it was quite a day! Just thinking. Are you really ok, Serena? Are we ok?? B x”_

_“What are you thinking about? Yes I am. Yes, we are ok, aren’t we? S x”_

_“Just about today. Yes, yes we are. Thanks. B x”_

_“Yes. Good. What are you thanking me for? Would it be weird if I would say I miss you? S x”_

_“Everything. No. I miss you. I wish I could be with you now, to see you. B x”_

_“Then, I miss you. S x”_

_“Do you want to talk about it? B x”_

_“No, yes, I don’t know. It’s late. We should probably sleep. S x”_

_“Yes, we should. B x”_

_“I’ll come in to AAU tomorrow, for the debrief, will see you then. Goodnight Bernie. Sleep well. S xx”_

_“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight, sweet dreams. B xx”_

She slept well after knowing Bernie and she will be seeing each other the next day and they will be fine.

 

..

 

The problem was the next day was horrible. They were understaffed and everybody was concerned about Fletch. She didn’t see Bernie much, they didn’t have a moment alone. And so it went on, they texted in the evenings, both laying alone in their beds. They wrote about the day, how they were feeling and things like that. But they didn’t talk about the kiss. Not one single word about the kiss. And the next thing Serena knows is Bernie telling her to let it be, forget about it.

 

....

 

 _“I think it’s wise”_ , Serena heard Bernie’s voice in her head. She paid the cabbie and followed the path up to the front door. She fumbles with her keys and lets herself in. Jason appeared by her side.

“Auntie Serena, you are late. And drunk”, he says in a firm tone.

“Hello Jason, alright. Have you eaten something?”

“Yes, at the usual time. Are you ok Auntie Serena?”

“Good. Yep, I am fine. Why are you asking, Jason?”

“You are drunk and you are flustered, blushed, are you getting ill?”, he observed.

“I, I…” she knew thinking about Bernie always had that effect on her, “I’m going to be fine, Jason.”

She walked to the kitchen to get a big glass of water and then made herself comfortable on the sofa. Jason followed.

“Auntie Serena?”

“Yes..?”, she asked somehow distracted.

“I wanted to upload some pictures on facebook from our day at the beach to show Alan. Are you even listening?”, he asked, clearly upset.

“Yes I am. Facebook. Where’s the problem?”, she asked, concentrating on the conversation with Jason.

“I wanted to tag you. Then I saw your profile. I am confused”, he explained.

“Why?”, she asked.

“On your profile, it’s written you are single and you are looking for men. I am confused. After recent events with Bernie I would have thought…”, he explained.

“Alright, Jason. Thank you”, she interrupted him.

“Why haven’t you changed it?” he asked bluntly as ever.

“I haven’t had time. And besides I haven’t been on facebook for ages. I don’t even know where to change these things”, she answered without telling him the real reason of being rattled, hoping he would accept this as a reasonable explanation.

“I can show you”, he answered.

Her head started hurting and she rubbed over the bridge of her nose with her fingertips. When she opened her eyes again, Jason looked expectantly at her. She tried to remember what he said at last and then answered.

“Yes please. That would be lovely, Jason”, she finally replied. He didn’t do anything after all and he only wanted to be nice and help his auntie. She saw him smile and she wished goodnight, going upstairs to hopefully sleep off most of the consumed alcohol.

 

..

 

What she didn’t hear was that Jason asked her if he should change it for her. And Jason did change it for her. He deleted the i _s interested in …_ -part and changed the status of her relationship to **_it’s complicated_**. That’s what it was for him, complicated, because she was neither single, nor in a relationship, certainly not married, she was not widowed or separated. Yes she was divorced, but he thought that was no secret and not very interesting.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again  
> thanks for the feedback so far. i love to hear from you.  
> i already posted the next chapter.  
> i think i decide how i will carry on with this work depending on your feedback.
> 
> hope you like it. cheers xx

**Chapter 2**

Bernie decided against going with Serena and Ric for drinks in Albies that night and for going home and a lazy evening in front of the telly. She walked to her car and drove 20 minutes to her flat. After a small stop at a Chinese takeaway, she made herself comfortable on the sofa. When she had wolfed down her dinner, she changed into more comfortable clothes, got herself a whiskey and brought the filled glass and the bottle back to the couch. She turned on the telly and downed her first whiskey.

 

..

 

She was feeling overwhelmed after that day. She saw Serena all day long. But the strangest thing was the atmosphere between them. It seemed as if Serena was flirting with her today. Bernie was surprised how casual Serena handled their kiss in first place. Yes they didn’t really talk about it, but the texts they shared in the few days after the kiss would communicate that they are ok. And then something changed. Bernie thought Serena was struggling with all the sapphic business on the day when Fletch waked up. So she gave the brunette an escape, told her they can keep it confined to theatre, they should. Because that’s the only way Berenice Wolfe can handle such situation. She, the tough major fell for her best friend, the very smart, intelligent, gorgeous Serena Campbell. And then she kissed her and sent her with that on an emotionally rollercoaster. And instead of helping her friend through that, she was struggling, as always. Bernie was struggling with her feelings. And she was struggling because she kissed the only woman that made her feel anything in the last time. She destroyed the last emotional bond she had and she complicated the life of said woman in a massive way. She was blaming herself. She wished she would have known better in first place, would have handled things differently. She wouldn’t want to undo their kiss. She would kiss Serena for anything, would pay every price for it, as long as it would be her paying the price. But she would give anything because the feeling was so right. Kissing Serena was perfect. The woman is perfect! It felt like Christmas on her birthday, like having a day full of pudding, like, it felt like coming home. Serena was feeling like home!

But because Bernie was struggling with her own feelings, she wasn’t able to tell Serena about them, she wasn’t able to help Serena and she wasn’t able to do anything else than showing her an escape. What she didn’t notice was, that she didn’t just show her an escape, but rather pushed her out of it.

 

....

 

Bernie woke up the next morning in front of her telly, on her sofa. The first thing she noticed was her head. It was hurting like hell. The second she opened her eyes she noticed why, the whiskey bottle was laying on the small table in front of her, empty. The third thing she noticed was why she waked up in first place. Her phone was ringing. She found it under the sofa cushions and accepted the call of an unknown number.

“Hello”, her voice sounded unfamiliar to herself.

“Mum?”

“Cam?”, she replied immediately, while sitting up.

“Yeah, it’s me, mum, are you ok?”, he asked clearly worried.

“Hello Cam. Yes, I’m fine. Sorry. Long night”, she replied.

“Ok.”

“Nice to hear you.”

“Hmm. Listen, Mum, I wanted to apologize”, he said in a low voice.

Silence for moments.

“Mum?”, Cam asked, “are you still there?”

“Yes, yes. Ehm… Apologize, you, what for?”

“Ha. Ehm.. For everything. I don’t know. Mainly how I, how we reacted and the statements. Shouldn’t have wrote them”, he explained, “can you, can you forgive me?”

“Ehm.. yah, yes Cam. Yes! Wow. I, I…also want to apologize. The whole..it wasn’t fair.. it shouldn’t have affected you. I am sorry, Cam”, she replied.

“It’s ok, Mum. I can see it now. Forgotten and somehow forgiven”, he said, his smile hearable.

“Nontheless. But thank you Cam, it means a lot, so much”, she replied, “Cam, do you, I don’t know, may you want to drink coffee sometime?”

“Sure! When do you have time?”

“Ehm, one moment”, she thought about her shifts while walking to the table with the small papers on it to write it down, “ehm, do you know, ehm, do you think.. it is..”, she took a deep breath, “Charlotte, she wants to come?”

“I don’t think so”, Cam replied.

“Oh, right”, she sighed.

“No, Mum, it’s ehm. She is in Italy. Travelling with school mates. Didn’t you see it on facebook?”, he asked.

“Oh, ok. No I didn’t. Haven’t been on facebook for ages”, she explained, “should may be check it.”

 

..

 

They spoke for a few minutes and decided on a date for their coffee, then Cam had to go. Bernie felt suddenly more alive. _At least something,_ she thought, at least one thing that seemed to go well, while she destroyed everything else. She cleared the mess on the small table and walked to the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

After 10 minutes of hot water, a lot of soap and a fag on the balcony she felt even better. She made a strong coffee and took again a seat on the sofa. She struggled to find facebook on her phone and nearly gave up when the bloody app asked for a login, before she remembered the details. Cam helped her creating a profile before she went on what’s now her last tour. She wanted to be in contact with her children and agreed to facebook after a few discussions. She thought she would be able to see what they are doing back at home.

 _Whatever!,_ she thought. She logged in and saw she had indeed a few notifications.

She checked on her children, felt like a cool mum and decided to clear her other notifications. She saw she had a few messages with pictures from Jason. She tapped and after a few seconds she saw pictures of Jason and his auntie Serena at the beach. _Must be from their trip a few days ago,_ she thought. She smiled. Serena looked happy. She knew she was planning to go with Jason. Serena told her about it, while scrubbing out, told her she would want to spend some time with her nephew, that he deserved it. Bernie remembered it was approximately ten days ago. It was definitely before everything to complicated, before the talk in the office over Shiraz. Bernie looked again, found one picture where Serena smiled at her nephew, who looked straight into the camera. _Love it,_ Bernie thought. _How happy she seems to be._

She saw that Jason tagged his auntie Serena on the pictures. Bernie smiled. She didn’t want to act like a teenager but she couldn’t resist. She tapped on Serena’s name and was lead to Serena’s profile. She scrolled through pictures and likes, before she went to the top again. She smiled at her picture, before she tapped on _further informations._ She wasn’t sure why she did it. She pretended she wanted to know about Serena’s preferences of music or operas or whatever. In reality she was curious, wanted to know everything about Serena. She read through the date of birth, her cv and then she read something, that couldn’t surprise her more. After an empty line, she read **_it’s complicated_**. The status of Serena’s relationship was complicated. And the field where one could describe what one is looking for, was gone.

 

..

 

When Bernie processed the initial surprise or shock, she grabbed her phone again. After rewriting the text over ten times, she hit send.

“Good morning, how are you? How’s your head? Have some great news. Tell you later about it. Just saw the pictures of your trip with Jason on facebook. Looks like fun. See you later, B x ”

She wanted to ask her why it was complicated, and what? She wanted to write that she looked cute. But she wasn’t able to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloo it's me again..  
> enjoy the sunday, wherever you are :)

**Chapter 3**

 

On the other side of the hospital, Serena woke up with a sore head, that wasn’t getting any better after a long, hot shower and two cups of strong and hot coffee. Jason’s morning talk about some military stuff didn’t help either. Apparently he saw a very interesting documentary the previous evening and had now some questions and facts. Despite the very early hour, he was eager to share them. _This is going to be a shit day_ , Serena thought. She grabbed her things, locked the front door and walked to the car, where Jason was already waiting impatiently. Just as she was getting in, her phone peeped. She sat down and looked for it in her bag, found it and saw Bernie’s text.

“ _Good morning, how are you? How’s your head? Have some great news. Tell you later about it. Just saw the pictures of your trip with Jason on facebook. Looks like fun. See you later, B x_ ”

She read it and immediately felt better.

“What happened? Why are you smiling?”, Jason asked.

“What? Oh, nothing”, she lied.

“Then why are you smiling?”, he asks interested.

“Oh, it’s just…it’s a really nice day”, she answers while tapping on her smartphone.

“ _Good morning, I’m ok, sore head and a talkative Jason, not the best match. See you soon, S x”_

She sent the brief answer to Bernie before starting her car.

“No it’s not. It’s winding and I’m sure it’ll rain until we arrive at the hospital. Usually you get grumpy when it’s raining. And you were in a bad mood all morning, I guess due to the overdose of alcohol yesterday and the therefore sore head this morning. And now you are smiling, so what has changed?”, Jason asked again.

“Grumpy? I don’t get grumpy! That’s a bit harsh, I think, don’t you?”, Serena pouted and hoped she had distracted Jason enough, so that he would forget her abruptly arisen good mood.

“Hmm…”, Jason thought.

Serena thinks that’s her chance and she changed the subject.

“Remind me again, when do you plan to go visit Alan?”, she asked although she knew it will be Thursday, it’s always Thursday.

“Thursday, Auntie Serena, as always”, he replied slightly annoyed.

“Right, yes. Do you have any plans?”, she asked.

“Oh, I think we’ll watch Star Trek, may have a movie marathon”, he answered after thinking about for a few moments.

“Sounds good”, she added, when she turned into the carpark of Holby City. She parked her car on her usual spot, turned off the engine and opened the door. They got out, she locked the door and they walked towards the side entrance. She decided she needed another coffee, so she walked towards Pulses and Jason joined her. After buying a strong coffee, an orange juice for her nephew and a pain au chocolat for herself, they took the lift to AAU and Jason wished her a good day before leaving her side to go the porter’s office. She smiled at him, walked through the ward, greeted her staff and then entered her office. She disposed the already empty coffee cup, put her coat on the hook and sat down.

“Good morning, Serena”, she heard Bernie’s voice.

“Good morning”, she greeted back. She looked up and saw Bernie already in her dark blue scrubs. She seemed to be in a very cheerful mood, although the dark rings under her gorgeous eyes were very present.

“How’s your head?”, the blonde asked.

“Hmm..Bad, but I’ll live”, Serena smiled, “how are you? You usually aren’t an early bird.”

“Ha!”, Bernie giggled, “Right, stiff neck and back, spent the night on the sofa, don’t ask!”

“That’s the good news?”, the brunette asked concerned.

Bernie looked her straight in the eyes for a few seconds, then she stood up and walked on the other side, took a seat on the visitor’s chair and smiled at Serena again.

“No. That was just me, my messy me, that…never mind”, she mumbled. Serena just sat there and smiled at Bernie. Encouraged her to keep talking. When Bernie stopped, they just locked eyes and smiled shyly.

“The news however is good, surprising, but very good”, she started, “it’s, ehm, Serena….”, she looked at Serena, saw her smile, she smiled back. She took a deep breath, tried to formulate the sentence in her mind and then the intimate moment was interrupted by a loud knock on the office door. Fletch’s head appeared in the door and he announced an incoming trauma. He disappeared as fast as he came in.

“I have to go. I’ll tell you later though”, she stood up, took another step into the direction of Serena. She placed her hand on the brunette’s shoulder and asked in a very shy manner, “okay?”

“Yes”, Serena said, she placed her hand over Bernie’s on her shoulder, squeezed it softly, “we are”. Then Bernie left the office.

 

..

 

Bernie was busy with the trauma for half of the day and when she came out of theatre, she saw Serena for half a minute, then the brunette went in and left the army medic behind to watch their ward. It took another three hours before they found themselves at the nurse station.

“Hello”

“hello, how’s your patient?”

“he’s fine”, Serena replied, “do you have a minute?”

“I do. You go sit in the office, I’ll get some coffees, ok?” Bernie suggested.

“sounds perfect”, Serena agreed, smiled at the blonde and then walked to the office.

 

..

 

Bernie entered the office with two coffees, closed the door and went straight to the visitor chair, she claimed to use a lot lately. She handed Serena a coffee and sat down. They sipped their coffees in silence.

“Cam called me”, Bernie said dryly.

“okay”, Serena replied without judging, “that’s good, right?”

“Ha! That’s fantastic. He spoke about 15 minutes, that’s more than I could have wished for”, she smiled.

“That’s great news, really Bernie. But, ehm..”, the brunette answered very joyful, before changing her voice to a teasing tone, “when you say he spoke, you’ve done some speaking too, right?”

“You know me so well”, Bernie honked her laugh, “yes, I spoke to him, after my being my messy myself initially, I came around”, she smiled. “He, ehm, he called to apologize”, she added shyly.

“Oh, wow, that’s awesome”, Serena stated.

“Yeah, apparently he’s fine with everything now. Apologized, then asked after me, for details. He wants to go for coffee. We even set a date”, the blonde revealed.

“That’s great!”, Serena said. Then she continued smiling at the army medic.

“It is. He also told me that Charlotte is in Italy. Travelling with friends. That’s why I went on facebook. Haven’t been there for a long time. Nearly forgot the login. But eh, figured it out, eventually, despite having a very bad hangover, saw her travel blog, or however it’s called. Interesting. She looks so happy”, Bernie explained in her usual _I only speak in fragments_ way.

“I’m really happy for you, Bernie”

“Thank you”, she smiled fondly at the brunette and Serena returned a similar huge smile.

“And then you saw Jason’s pictures?”, Serena asked eventually, suddenly remembering Bernie’s text from the morning.

“Oh yes”, Bernie surprised them both with a very high exclamation, “I mean, yes I saw Jason’s pictures.”

“So he managed to upload them, finally”, Serena mumbled.

“I guess, they are from your trip to the beach?”

“I would guess so, I haven’t seen them until now”, she explained.

“Oh...you should, they are beautiful, funny. It seems you had a lot of fun”, Bernie babbled.

“We had, we definitely had fun. Was a beautiful day”, Serena said, swimming in memories, “Jason was very happy about everything.”

“Well you look equally happy and very cute”, Bernie said and regretted especially the last part immediately.

“Wait, what?”, Serena frowned. Bernie instantly worried, thought it would get awkward between them again because of her comment.

“He uploaded pictures of me too?”, Serena asked.

“Ehm, yes, a few. Nothing bad though”, Bernie replied, clearly embarrassed.

“He should have asked me before doing that”, Serena mumbled, “I’ll have to check them”.

Serena sighed and turned away. She put her head in her hands, elbows on her desk. A deep sigh can be heard.

Bernie stood up, stretched her back and then walked around Serena’s chair, turned around and leaned with her back against Serena’s desk, just next to her arms.

“Serena”, Bernie said very soft. The brunette looked up and Bernie continued, “are you alright?”

The brunette nodded slightly, nearly invisible. A very small smile appeared on her lips.

“Serena, you know you can talk to me…”, Bernie says in a soft voice, sounding almost vulnerable.

“Yes I do, thank you”, Serena replies quietly.

“I mean, if there is something going on, that **_complicates_** your life, if something worries you…what I mean is…it may help if you talk about it, if you share it…share your sorrow…you can do that with me…you know, I’m here”, and with that she touched Serena’s shoulder.

They smile at each other.

“I know, thank you. I appreciate it. And I would share it with you, I trust you, Bernie. But it’s nothing. Just some small things. You know, Jason, alcohol, a lot of work, Ellie, it’s nothing really, and somehow it ended all in being strained”, she replied, fully aware that she is beating about the bush. Because she was fully aware of what caused everything, Bernie Wolfe, who is currently sitting a breath away from her, looking fondly at her, gently rubbing her shoulder. She looked at her, gazed in her eyes and then lowered her view from the emotional eyes, over those perfect cheeks to the soft lips. There is only one thought in Serena’s mind: _I really want to kiss those soft lips again._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again  
> here's the next chapter. i love your response :)  
> enjoy it and #keepthefaith  
> cheers xx

**CHAPTER 4**

 

She didn’t kiss her. Of course, she didn’t kiss her. She really wanted to, but then she heard Bernie’s words again, like a mantra repeated her mind those words over and over again. _Say no more about it, I think it’s wise…_ So, she didn’t kiss her. She simply wasn’t brave enough to do it and particularly she wasn’t brave enough to risk her friendship with Bernie because of her wish to kiss her. _Well it’s not a wish, more like an urge, a craving, a longing_ , she yearned for that woman she realized. But because of that it was more important to her that she wouldn’t lose Bernie entirely. So, she didn’t kiss her, she didn’t kiss those soft lips but she rather let Bernie leave the office.

Serena collected Jason on her way to the car park to drive them home. On their way home they have stopped to get fish ’n’ chips to take away. When she returned to the parked car with their dinner packed in bags, she saw Jason typing on his smartphone. It remined her that she needed to talk to him about uploading pictures of her on his facebook profile. She made a mental note, wanted to deal with it after they enjoyed their dinner.

They made their way home without much traffic. Jason was in a very chipper mood and talked non-stop about his day, his plans in the evening to watch two episodes of _Countdown_ and the new episode of _Doctor Who_. Then he picked up the topic of his morning monologue again and Serena found her mind drifting off again. And as always in the last weeks, there was only one thing she could think about: Major Berenice Griselda Wolfe.

After they ate their dinner and Jason cleared the table, they went into the living room with a glass of the finest Shiraz for Serena and an evening tea for Jason. While he sat in his usual armchair, she sat on the large three-seater sofa and sipped at the red wine.

“Jason?”, she said to get his attention.

“Yes”, he replied.

“I need to talk to you about something”, she explained.

“Okay”, he answered in a very childish voice, “you have five minutes left until I have to start with _Countdown_ to be finished on time.”

“Right. I better get to the point then”, she chuckled nervously. “Bernie told me, you uploaded the pictures of our trip on facebook”, she stated.

“I told you yesterday. Have you forgotten? You should consider drinking less alcohol…”, he said in a very scientific way.

“Thank you, Jason, I didn’t forget. But she also mentioned that you uploaded pictures of me”, she carried on.

“Not of you, but yes there are pictures of both of us”, he corrected her.

“Right. I would prefer if you would ask me next time before you share something like that on social media”, she explained.

“Okay. Are you angry with me?”, he worried.

“No, no Jason I’m not. Just…Next time you want to share something about me, just ask me briefly.”

“Okay. I’m sorry auntie Serena”, he said.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s alright Jason”, she assured.

They sat happily in the living room and watched Jason’s episodes together. Serena felt relieved that her talk with her nephew went so well after all. When she finished her wine, she decided to have an early night. She wished Jason good night and told him to turn off the lights. She went upstairs and after her usual visit in the bathroom she went to bed.

Just as she was about to find her sleep, she heard her mobile phone. She grabbed it and saw a text from Bernie.

“ _Hi Serena, thank you for today. I really like talking to you. Enjoy your day off tomorrow. I’ll miss you on AAU. Sleep well, B x”_

She smiled and wondered if Bernie meant AAU will miss her or if Bernie may miss her too. She typed a reply before turning off the lights.

“ _Hello you, nothing to thank for. I like talking to you too. I’ll miss AAU but there is a large pile of washing with my name on it. Sweet dreams, S x”_

Yet she fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

 

….

 

Serena spent her day off with doing things around the house and thinking about Bernie and her, well their ward. She got some texts from Bernie, all rather _nice and somehow flirtatious_ , she thought. She always replied within minutes, before going back to the work in her hands, distracted by waiting for the next text.

In the evening, she drove to the hospital to fetch Jason, who was working that day. She parked on a short-term parking lot. While she was waiting for her nephew, she typed an answer to Bernie telling her about her day off and how boring it was, that she missed her and AAU. Just as she tapped on _send_ , she saw Bernie walking down the ramp on the side of the wyvern wing. Serena stared at the blonde medic from distance through her car window. She saw, how Bernie stilled in her steps, grabbed her phone and struggled a bit because somehow her hand or her phone got entangled in the pocket of her fancy coat. She tapped a few times on the screen and then, then there was a huge smile on the blonde’s lips. Serena couldn’t believe it. When a small text put such a smile on her face, why does she not want to have this? This, whatever this could be…

 

….

 

A take-away, two hours of telly during which she was engrossed in a text conversation with Bernie about a hilarious patient and Jason commented on how disturbing the giggles now and then are, a restless night, a hot shower and two cups of coffee later, Serena sat at her desk in the consultant’s office of AAU. She was signing paperwork, that Bernie didn’t sign yesterday. A loud noise from the ward let her lift her head off the papers and she looked through the windows with the opened blinds to see what’s going on out there. She saw an upset Fletch and a blonde head that moved like a whirlwind, leaving her field of view on the lower end. Bernie got up, handed some sheets of paper to Fletch, turned around and ran straight into a porter. She nearly fell over an empty wheelchair. Acting like a proud soldier, she straightened herself, patted on the porter’s shoulder and walked without another accident to the office door. In her hurried stride, she missed the door handle she aimed for and her shoulder bumped painfully in the still closed door. At that point Serena stood up from her chair and walked swiftly to the door to open it for the blonde. Bernie slipped in, threw her bag and her coat on her chair and immediately started pacing.

“Good morning Bernie”, Serena said while closing the office door.

“Yes, hello”, she answered, her voice showing the distress the blonde is in.

“You’re alright there, love?”, Serena asked. She noticed the word of endearment only when her own ears heard it and decided to just leave it be. She sat down while waiting for Bernie to explain.

Bernie stilled in her nervous pacing. She moved her hands through her blonde waves and sighed.

“I think…I think I’m freaking out a bit”, she said in a small voice and looked expectantly at Serena.

Serena smiled a little bit and lifted her eyebrow perfectly to display the best of her _No kidding_ -face.

“Okay, I’m definitely freaking out!”, Bernie nearly shouted and with that she started pacing again.

Serena let her do her processing and waited patiently. After four or five lengths behind her chair, Bernie stopped, placed her hands on her hips and started,

“Cam called this morning…again”

“Okay”, Serena said without judging.

“Remember I told you we are going to meet for coffee?”, she continued without waiting for the brunette’s answer, “that was planned for next week. I didn’t think about it much. No that’s not true, I did. But eh… The thing is, I don’t know… However, he called this morning. He wants to go away a few days with his friends. That’s why he wants to go for dinner earlier, he wants to go for dinner with me tonight. Serena tonight!”, she explained.

“Okay. That’s good Bernie. That’s amazing, I think”, Serena said in a warm voice.

“Yes, yes, it is”, she replied unemotionally and then started pacing again, her hands again in her hair.

“Alright”, Serena sighed, “Bernie…”, she tried again a little firmer, “Bernie!...Come sit with me for a minute”, she requested. Bernie looked at her for a long moment and when she saw Serena smile at her, she took a deep breath and walked around the desk to take place on a visitor chair. Serena got up and sat down next to Bernie, on her left side.

“So, your son wants to eat dinner with you, tonight, when you are not on shift. Why are you freaking out?”, Serena asked in a caring voice.

“Ha! Right. It sounds perfect. But I’m not ready, Serena”, she explained.

“What makes you think that?”, Serena asked.

“It’s so soon Serena, I’m not ready, I can’t do it”, Bernie said hastily.

“Bernie”, she turned her head towards the blonde medic, who mirrored this movement, “Bernie, you’ve waited months for this moment.”

“I know…I know…But I’m not ready”, she repeated herself.

“What are you not ready for?”, Serena asked and when Bernie didn’t replay but rather stared at her with eyes like a puppy, open and vulnerable.

“You are scared”, Serena said in a very quiet voice, barely a whisper.

“I-I am”, Bernie confirmed.

“That’s ok, Bernie. Being scared of something means you still have something left to loose”, she explained while smiling fondly at her co-lead, “but Bernie, you have been in very dangerous situations and you managed somehow. You are a fantastic woman and I’m sure you are a wonderful mother.”

“But that’s the point. Yes, I’m able to perform a highly difficult trauma surgery on the side of a dusty road in the middle of a heat without enough medical tools, but as a mother, I’m useless”, she replied.

“That’s not true. You are the mother of two fine children. I’ve met Cam, you did an excellent job!”, Serena continued.

“Yes, he’s a fine boy, but that wasn’t me. All I did was being away. I wasn’t there for him. He mange without me”, Bernie talked herself into a state.

“Yes, you were away and he managed without you because he had to. But you didn’t run away from your children, Bernie. You went away because it was your job, you were fighting for a better world, to give your children a better chance. And now you are here. Now is the time to spend time with your children, because now you can”, Serena tried to reassure the blonde.

“Yes, but –“

Serena interrupted her, grabbed the blonde’s hand, stroked with her thumb over Bernie’s palm and told her, “No, Bernie, the past is the past. You have to move on. Go and have dinner with your son, spend some time with him, get to know him again, because you can do that now. You are here, you have time and you have the opportunity.”

They gaze at each other, a smile on their lips.

“Thank you”, Bernie murmured.

“You are most welcome”, Serena replied, “will you manage your shift?”

Bernie nodded.

“Right, otherwise, you know where you can find me, ok?”

“Yes.”

Bernie went to theatre for almost her whole shift and Serena dealt with Hanssen, the paperwork and did the usual rounds on AAU. Just as she wanted to go see after Bernie in theatre to take over her surgery so that Bernie can leave to be on time for dinner with Cam, the blonde appeared on the ward. She walked, still in her trauma scrubs, past the nurse station, greeted Serena and the other staff with a small nod of her head and walked straight into the consultant’s office. Serena closed the patient file she was currently reading and then followed Bernie. She closed the door and leant against Bernie’s desk, facing her. There was barely space between them. Serena looked at her, slightly downwards.

“Nearly time”, she said into the otherwise so silent room.

“Yes”

“Are you okay, Bernie?”, she asked.

“Do you think I deserve it to spend time with them or at least with Cameron?”, Bernie asked in a very low voice.

“Yes, you deserve it. You haven’t done anything wrong. You are their mother, nobody else can say that”, Serena replied, touching Bernie’s shoulder.

“Okay. I have to go and change otherwise I’ll be late”, she said when getting up, “It’s just, I’m so nervous Serena”, she added standing still in front of the brunette.

Serena stood up and gulped Bernie in a cuddle, pressed herself firmly against the other woman, placed her head on the blonde’s shoulder and breathed in. O _h that smell_ , she thought, then she whispered,

“You are going to be fine. He wants to spend time with you, just enjoy it.”

“I’ll try”, Bernie whispered back.

“Go on, go and get changed and then go meet your son!”, Serena said a little louder, still hugging Bernie and then letting her slip away.

Bernie left the office, looked over her shoulder one last time and gave Serena one of her sweet smiles.

 

..

 

Bernie got changed, stopped a brief moment in front of the mirror to take a deep breath and then she grabbed her bag and left the hospital. She drove to the restaurant and parked her car in the parking lot. She walked to the entrance and looked through the window. Cam wasn’t there yet, she still had some time. Just as she worried if she could manage, she heard her mobile phone. Her heart sunk and she thought if Cam would cancel their dinner. She was wondering if she would be sad or relieved about it. But when she saw the name on the screen, she smiled happily. She opened the text message:

“ _You are going to be fine. You just have to go in, sit down and the rest will sort itself. Call me if you need to talk. S x”_

She opened the door and walked in. She sat down at their table and spend her waiting time with thinking about Serena and how this gorgeous woman always knows what she needs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. I'm done with my exams so should be able to update again :) hope you enjoy it. have fun.

**CHAPTER 5**

 

“Mum?”

Bernie lifted her head and smiled when she considered Cam’s face. He smiled back. She got up and after an awkward moment, Cam stepped closer to her and then they hugged.

“Hello Cam”, she spoke over his shoulder, still hugging him tightly. When she pulled back, the smile on her lip was still enormous. She let her eyes wander over his face, which was despite the lacking contact still so familiar. The beard grew more and got even more dense, which gave her darling boy the appearance of a well-grown, grown-up man. She blinked hard to push back some tears.

“You look good”, she said carefully, before she stroked smoothly from his right ear down to his shoulder, where she pulled at his collar in a caring way, like she used to do this every day. Cam removed himself from her mother’s arms and sat down at their table. Bernie worried she did something wrong to cause this withdrawal of her son and she started subconsciously playing with her fingers and she looked over to the entrance of the restaurant.

“Mum? You should sit down”, Cam said.

Bernie looked at her son, the smile reappeared on her lips and she sat down again.

“Mum?”, she heard Cam’s voice again, and looked into his eyes, “Are you okay, mum?”

She chuckled nervously, “Ha…yes, I’m fine, really. I’m so happy that we are here…It’s just, I-I…I’m very nervous”, she admitted, her fingers were playing with the napkin on the table.

“Ok”, he smiled, “Why are you nervous, though? It’s not like this is a blind date with a stranger.”

And this made her laugh, she laughed properly for the first time on that day, before she turned serious once again, “No it’s not, but…you know, I think it’s not that different…no…actually, I think, it’s worse”, she stammered.

“Worse? Like a second date after a really bad first date?”, Cam tried again with nearly equally great success.

Bernie chuckled, “Kind of…It’s just…I’m so sorry Cameron, for everything you know, for not being around, for Alex, I mean for the lying, the divorce, for being such a coward”, she explained in a dead serious voice, looking into her son’s eyes all the time, “I’m so sorry, Cameron.”

Cam smiled before answering, “I know, I know how sorry you are and that’s it.” Bernie’s face fell. “No mum, what I meant is, I forgive you, it’s in the past. It wasn’t perfect, but it’s over now and after the initial shock…I think I understand it better now”, he explained.

She smiled and exhaled deeply, “you really think like that?”, she asked.

“It’s ok, really mum, you deserve to live your life and find happiness, so how about we start again?”, he smiled sweetly as he offered an olive branch.

Bernie could hardly believe her luck, “yes, tha-that…wow, ehm…yes that would be nice, Cam”, she stumbled.

“So how have you been?”, he asked.

She giggled at his paternal behaviour, “I’ve been well. I’ve settled down, probably for the first time in my life. I found a flat, not very big, but big enough for myself. I bought a new bed, I joined a gym, even got an annual subscription and I’m still co-leading AAU-“

“-with Serena”, Cam immediately added with a mischievous smile.

“Yes, with Serena. I’ve been well, really well…But tell me, how are you?”, she asked with interest.

“I’m fine, too. I’m back at med school for good –“, he started.

“Really? That’s amazing Cameron!”, she commented joyfully.

“- yes, it is. So, I moved over to the campus”, he carried on.

“You moved out?”, she asked again.

“Yes. I wanted to. It’s ehm, I’m old enough”, he tried to explain.

“Yes, you are”, she smiled.

They waitress arrived and they ordered drinks and food, before they started chatting again.

 

..

 

Serena got home with two boxes of pizza, ham and cheese for Jason and salami and cheese for herself. She closed the door behind her, placed her keys in the bowl and slipped off her shoes.

“Jason? I’m home”, she called upstairs.

He appeared in the doorframe of the kitchen, “Hello Auntie Serena, did you get ham and cheese for me?”

“Hello Jason”, she rubbed briefly over his elbow, “of course I did and I’m sorry I’m a bit late”, she handed the boxes over and put down her bag and hung her coat.

“Jason”, she called after him, “Do you mind if we eat in the living room? we could watch some of your quiz shows”, asked. She was tired and so confused by her feelings for a certain blonde medic. And she desperately needed something to distract her from thinking about this woman and her meeting with her son.

“Okay”, he agreed. “Do you want some tea or would you like some wine?”, he asked.

“Shiraz please”, she replied before grabbing the pizza boxes and walking through to the living room. Jason followed and placed a large glass of red wine on the small table. They ate in comfortable silence, an episode of _Countdown_ in the background.

 

..

 

Meanwhile Bernie and Cam enjoyed their meals and chatted happily about this and that. Bernie felt a wave of bravery because everything was going well and so she asked without any undertone,

“How are things with Keeley?”

Cameron looked up from his plate and smiled, “everything is fine”

“Good, that’s good”, she replied honestly.

“-but we, ehm, we ended whatever it was. You were right. It wouldn’t have worked”, he added.

“Oh, okay. But I had no right”, she murmured, “is there…ehm…do you-“

“Yes, mum, there is someone else. But it’s all very new”, he interrupted her stuttering, “oh and you can calm down, she’s nearly a year younger than I am”, he teased.

“Ha! Right. I deserved that. But I’m very pleased as long as you are happy”, she answered.

“Right. Now…”, he smirked and could barely hold himself back from rubbing his palms, “…you and Serena.”

“We are co-leading AAU, yes”, Bernie offered,

“Not what I meant and you know it”, he teased.

“And we are friends. She’s my best friend, Cameron”, she explained.

“Yes and? Oh come on, mum, we’ve worked this out weeks ago. Did you tell her?”, he questioned.

She blushed and tried to find a way out of this. But when she saw her son’s face, she knew he wouldn’t give in, so she decided to use this fresh start and be honest, “Kind of”, she murmured and blushed even more.

He chuckled, “Kind of? How is that even possible?” She shrugged. “Oh god mum, you’re really not good at those things, are you?”

“Ha! Not good? I’m a bloody coward, Cameron!”, she admitted.

He reached over the table and laid a hand over her nervous fingers, “What happened?”, he asked. She looked at their hands, but remained silent.

“I know, that’s maybe weird, but I’m okay with it, you can talk to me, if you want, okay?”, he added.

She raised her gaze and saw how much he cared about her. She needed to talk about the whole Serena-business and since he asked and there weren’t many other options for people who could listen, she continued,

“I, ehm, I-I”, she took a deep breath, “I kissed her.”

“Okay”, he commented without judging.

“It was a difficult, well it doesn’t matter now. I kissed her and she kissed me. We kissed on the floor of the theatre and then she had to go and the safe bubble broke. Real life caught us back and while we didn’t find time to talk, she freaked out or maybe I freaked, I don’t know. Anyway, I told her we should forget about it. That’s it”, she summarized.

“Hmm”, he expressed while thinking, “you are a coward”, he smiled at her.

“I know I am.”

“Did you ask her what she was feeling?”, he asked and when he saw Bernie shaking her head, he continued, “At any point?”

“No”, she said.

“Well, that would have been a good start, you know”, he teased. She nodded vehemently. “What are you scared of?”, he asked in a caring tone.

“What? How do you...”, she asked, obviously surprised.

“You are my mum, I know you. You fly out to the desert to live in a tent, but you get scared when emotions come into play”, he explained.

She smiles warmly.

“Do you want to be with her? And don’t start with that friendship-thing again, I want to know if you want to be with her, if she would make you happy.”

“Well it doesn’t matter anymore, that horse already left the barn”, she said sadly.

 

..

 

When Jason went upstairs to take his shower before an important episode of one of his shows started, Serena caught herself thinking about Bernie. She wondered how her dinner with Cam was going. She really hoped that this evening would not turn out to be a disaster. _Bernie would really deserve some peace and some rest in her life._ And Serena wouldn’t know what to say if things with Cam wouldn’t work out. She knew from her own experience with Elinor what a divorce can cause and what it means for a mother to lose the bond to her children.

She suddenly remembered that she hasn’t had a look on the pictures on facebook yet. She grabbed her mobile phone and opened the app. She went to Jason’s profile and smiled when she saw the post _best day with my auntie in pictures_. She considered each picture carefully and immediately knew which one Bernie meant in her text. She smiled at Jason, who looked straight into the camera. The picture really displays how happy they were and what a wonderful relationship developed between auntie and nephew.

Serena smiled. She would print this picture out and frame it, so she could add it to the photo wall along the stairs. She closed the app and drank the last of her Shiraz. She decided to call it a night and went upstairs.

 

..

 

“So even though you decided that you should forget about it, nothing changed?”, Cam investigated. He hasn’t stopped asking about Serena and brought Bernie to admit her feelings and daydream about the brunette. He enjoyed her emotional babbling very much. He didn’t know this side of his mother after all.

“Well that was the point, right? I didn’t want to ruin our friendship”, she replied.

“Yes, yes, I know your friendship and all that, but I meant you, the two of you are still flirting”, he clarified.

Bernie decided to say nothing about that. “I was on facebook for Charlie’s blog”, she said instead.

“Oh yes, it’s rather funny, right?”

“Yes it is…Can I ask you something?”, Bernie asked shyly.

“Sure, go on”

“What does _It’s complicated_ mean?”

Cameron frowned briefly before he laughed, “You mean as a relationship status?”

Bernie nodded.

“You are a hopeless case”, he laughed again, before he said warmly, “It means, what it says. It’s complicated. But you know what? It also means it’s not over.”

Bernie nodded again and a huge smile appeared on her face.


End file.
